It has been a busy time around here at the Carpenter home. I have decided that I am going to talk on a more personal level to begin my time back into blogging.
My family is going through a lot of changes. My husband and I have decided to seperate and eventually divorce. Trust is a key issue in any marriage and once trust has been broken it is very hard to go back to living in a loving, caring and safe environment. So, it is now time to start a new chapter/phase in my life. My main goal is to make sure that my kids are happy, well taken care of, safe and they feel loved.
Wesley moved out of the house in August and we have been working on trying to focus our energy on the kids. Has it been easy? hardly. There are some great days, some not so great days and some down right horrible ones. Being a single mom of three kids is not where I pictured myself at 28. I was suddenly torn from what I thought was my life and thrown into what must be somebody else's life. This couldn't possibly be happening to me? And then I would wake up and realize it is happening to me and I am living through it right now. So I pick myself up and I move forward. I am trying to re-connect with friends and get myself back out there to a 'normal' life.
I know I am going to get some flack for making this such a 'public' thing right now. There will be people who will disagree with my decision to write such personal things in my blog but I feel like this is a safe place for me to write freely, to connect with so many different people on so many different levels. I am also hoping there are people that will be happy about my decisions and be there to support me with a laugh, a hug, a shoulder or just a kind word every now and then.
So my posts will be erratic, cover many different subjects and quite possibly not make sense sometimes; but I hope that you will continue to follow along.
Your courage and honesty as a woman and mother is humbling. Your ability to weave the "fabric of your life" into clear and thoughtful writings is simply amazing and oh so touching. I laugh when you laugh and I cry with the pain and sense of loss that comes so vividly through the window of your soul when you talk about Brandon's death or Wesley moving out.
ReplyDeleteI want to affirm you, I want to lift you up and challenge you to believe that life offers more. You have it right, its about the 3 blessings God has placed in your care, 3 precious children whose entire foundation in life you are now helping to build with so much love and dedication.
No one is able to walk exactly in your steps but I can assure you that my own pain and sufferings have made me far more sensitive to a fellow traveler traveling down the bumpy and sometimes dark path called life. I would encourage you to continue to write to let your heart pour out on these pages and not to worry about anyone's acceptance of who you are especially here where you should be safe and respected.
I am simply amazed that through so much pain I don't sense any bitterness. I believe that bitterness and hate come at a huge cost, when they occupy a space in your heart there is less room for love and right now your children need and deserve all the love they can get. So I commend you on being so strong and caring, I believe in prayer, I believe in God and I will keep you and your precious children in my prayers.
- Rand
Rand, I have to say your comments were so unexpected to me and I am so thankful that you have read my blog and for the kind things you said. I have tried my hardest not to become bitter and not to hate. I know that people can create their own path and I am CHOOSING not to bring myself down that path. I was truly blessed to have Brandon in my life and he was such an amazing person at only 17. He had so much strength and so much love to give to just about everyone. I hope to hold some of the same qualities that he held so high. And even for Wesley. Not everyone knows the complete story and I do have every reason to be bitter and to hate him. However I am choosing to do the opposite. I still love him completely and truthfully, I know he can be an amzing person and an amzing father. He has a lot he needs to work through and I have been there through what I can be there through. I still offer my support and my love, just not in the same ways as I used to before. I will always love and support him through thick and thin and whatever he needs. I am simply choosing to be happy and to love myself and my kids to the best of my ability. They are my rock and my life and my purpose. I was going to back off on blogging and maybe just post pictures of the kids and stories for family members, but your kind words have made me re-think and know that I can continue on doing what I am doing. Thanks you - Kristen
ReplyDeleteKristen,
ReplyDeleteI don't believe God brings pain and suffering into our lives but I do believe that he can use it to make us stronger if we turn to him. I have no idea of where you turn to for strength and I don't know if God is important in your life.
What I do know is that over 2,000 years ago a man lived a short 33 years and in that time he never owned a home, he never had a family, he never traveled more than 200 miles from where he was born, he never went to college and he was just a lowly Jew in the land occupied by the Romans and because he offered the Jews hope he was put to death.
Since the time of his death (and I believe in the resurrection), all the armies of the world, all the navy's that have sailed the seas and all the Kings that have reigned together haven't had as much of an effect on mankind as one lowly carpenter from Nazareth.
This Christmas you will celebrate his birth and the real secret of Christmas is the "gift" he offers to you!
My hope for you if he is not your "rock" and the source of strength in your life that the message of Christmas will fill your heart!
Any time you would like to have a cup of coffee at the cafe let me know!
Rand