My accomplishment of 2009

So the year is coming to a close. A lot has happened this year. I am sure there are more accomplishments I could list...and I may interrupt my babble with a few of them here and there as they pop into my head.
My main accomplishment this year was learning to trust in myself.
The year started out with the one year anniversary of Brandon's death. I took it in stride. I felt like I had so many other people to worry about, I had to make sure everyone else was okay. I had to make sure the kids remembered the good times, and even remembered what he looked like. I wanted to make sure my parents would make it through and come out on the other side of that momentous date with some kind of knowledge in their hearts that there were still three of us (plus many many more) here that would help them get through this. During the week of the one year mark, I learned that I can be strong. I learned to trust in my instinct of how people are feeling and when to stand quietly by and listen to the cries or to give words of comfort and support.
Soon after this I went through a very hard and emotional, personal time. I do not talk about it outside of myself and Wesley. It was a very heartbreaking and saddening thing to go through and even though nobody knows what I am actually talking about I have to say it gives me much more respect for mothers and for women in general. This time frame made me trust in my instincts much more. To trust my instincts about myself, my body and even my instincts as a mother.
Then May came around and Brandon's birthday was upon us. Yet another difficult time to go through and to feel the hard feelings of grief once again. This time around I learned to trust my emotions and to trust my motherly instincts.
In August my Dad had a heart attack. It really put a lot into perspective. To think that he could have possibly not been with us any longer was very frightening. Thankfully he is doing okay now. I learned to trust my heart (oddly enough). To trust how I feel.
Then the end of the summer rolls around. This is where my trust was severely rattled and things kind of fell apart. Wesley moved out of the house and lots of trust issues were broken and things just seemed to be going completely wrong. I even remembering saying that to myself one day: "this is just wrong". Things unfolded and I learned so much about my life.
Amazingly through all of this I have learned to trust how I feel, trust that I can do anything I put my mind to. I can be a strong, stable, honest person and that I can believe in myself as both a woman and a mother. I know that I can be a great person, I believe in myself and I trust in myself enough now to make that happen.
My next post will be about what I hope to accomplish in the next year. Lots of possibilities!