wonder where she heard this one?

Today Calleigh was not feeling well and was very shaky so this afternoon I decided to take her into the Dr to get checked out because the shakiness was kind of disturbing. They did a strep test (negative) and tried to get a urine sample to test her sugar and for a UTI. They could not get the sample so we took a thing home to try and get one to bring there in the morning. We grabbed her stickers, she got two because of the strep test, and headed out. My Mom came with us and sat in the car with the boys while we were there, so we dropped her back at her car in Richmond. I start driving away and I can hear Calleigh getting more and more frustrated because she could not get the sticker off of the paper, then I hear it.
"These stickers are a bitch"
The water I was drinking immediately came spraying out of my nose and mouth as I had to slam on the brakes to stop myself from going off the road. I couldn't believe what I had just heard! That is a word I know I have not said in front of her....there may be some others that it would not surprise me if she said, but definitely not that one! She said it so simply and when I asked her what she said her response was this: "well Mom, the thing won't come off, it's not being very nice". I am still in somewhat of a shocked state that it came out of her mouth. I didn't even know how to reprimand or respond so I just told her she had to be 18 to say that word and to not say it again. Complete bull but she seemed to accept it and continued on by saying "I don't like these stickers because they are mean and won't come off.....is that better Mommy?"

Changes

Things have been super crazy around here right now! I have recently started back at work again. It is definitely not the job of my dreams but it gets me back out in the world and brings in some money. It is at The Home Depot. I have been doing mostly computer training so far but got to actually be out on the register on Friday. I am still pretty stressed out about how it will affect the kids. I have been their consistent caregiver for the past three years. Childcare is too expensive and I am not sure how long I will be able to continue working and make it worth it, especially once summer hits and Aiden is out of school I will not be able to afford full time care for all three kids. However, for now, it is fun and a great way to "get back out into the world". The weather has been all over the place from nice and warm to cold and rainy. We have been outside as much as possible! Aiden has also started baseball for the season! He Loves to play baseball and he is really good at it. Hopefully the weather for the rest of the games/practices is better than it was for his first practice, it was windy and freezing.
So things are going okay, still kind of all over the place though! Hopefully I will get more chances to write.

My not so little boy....

Today my little boy turned 7. He's not so little anymore though. He has grown into a caring, sensitive, headstrong, hard working and athletic boy. He loves the outdoors and everything that has to do with gardening, athletics and nature. This year was full of emotional challenges for Aiden and he has come through them with a unique quirkiness and a lovable attitude. He has done well in school and has improved in leaps and bounds with his reading and writing. He can pretty much read independently and writes words and stories by sounding things out. He always has the greatest stories on so many different subjects! He will be starting baseball again next week! He is very excited.
It is so hard to believe that seven years ago we were surprised with Aiden entering our lives almost six weeks early. I was not fully prepared for what I had ahead of me that morning when I got up to go to a routine checkup. I didn't know I would get there and be rushed right over to the hospital to be induced and that I would have you in our world in just a few short hours. It was quick. I went over and within four hours you were here with us. It was so hard having you whisked away to the NICU because you couldn't breathe on your own. It was so heartbreaking to not be able to hold you in my arms for the first 24 hours of your life. Watching you in the incubator with your little arms and legs kicking I knew you were going to have a spirit that would be strong and able to bounce back from just about anything.
I will never forget the first time I got to hold you. I never knew that I would instantly be bonded to your heart. Not in a way that can be explained. It is the strongest thing in the world.
I never knew that when you cried I would want to cry too. I never dreamed that I could love and be loved so openly and without any kind of worry. I never imagined that when you said your first word my heart would skip a beat, when you took your first step a piece of my heart broke off with you and walked outside of my body forever. I couldn't imagine the way a giggle can make any bad day instantly better. Nobody told me that watching you grow would be so painful but so rewarding all at the same time.
I love you Aiden James and I can't wait to see where your heart takes me next.

Aiden's 7th Birthday Pirate Party!

This afternoon we had Aiden's 7th birthday Pirate Party! It was a hit. We had a friend come dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow and he did a fantastic job. The kids loved him. We had a Treasure Hunt where they found a spyglass, gold beaded necklaces, skull rings and gold coins. We played pin the patch on the pirate and decorated our very own pirate hats! There were 17 kids total and it was loud and crazy, but it went smoothly and the kids did well getting along and playing the games. We had Pizza for dinner and then had Pirate cupcakes and creemee for ice cream. I just love that Papa was nice enough to let us pretty much ransack the cafe and take over. We moved things around and made a huge mess, but it was a blast!~ We made sure we cleaned everything up afterwards!! Their treasure chest goody boxes had pirate tattoos, chocolate gold coins, pirate stickers, compasses, pirate crayons, a pirate ship to color, some more candy plus they had bandanas, eye patches, pirate hats and they decorated their own pirates. I hope all of Aiden's friends had a great time, I did but now I am exhausted!

Easter

Today was such a crazy day! Poor Riley has had a fever that ranges from 101-104.7! He seems to be mostly fine, just a bit cranky. So we decided to only do Nama's (Wesley's mom) Easter egg hunt and have a little breakfast and then come home. So we got up, came downstairs at 5am to see what was in our Easter baskets. Aiden got some How to train your dragon stuff, he loved the movie! He also got some candy, outdoor stuff and some books. Calleigh got some more baby dolls, books and a new cup. Riley got some books, cars, a new cup and a few other small things. After that we got dressed (which was a HUGE battle) and went to Nama's house for breakfast and an egg hunt. There was A LOT of eggs scattered all over the place. We ended up with wayyyyy too much candy. The Easter bunny also visits Nama's house and brought some fun stuff for them there. It is hard because Aiden is getting to an age where he is starting to question the existance of such things as the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Thankfully, even though I could tell he was suspicious, he kept his thoughts to himself and let Calleigh and Riley enjoy the day! I really tried to get "nice" pictures, but nobody was up to attempting it, so I just went with the flow and caught what I could. The kids looked adorable!
After we left there we came home and Wesley came up here to see the kids for a little bit before naps and he had to work. The kids went down for a nap and then Nana (my mom) came to visit us in the evening to bring some more goodies for the kids. She stayed and visited for a little while before it was time to settle down for the night. Poor Riley though is still not feeling so great, he cried for almost 45 minutes while trying to go to bed. He never does that. He always just gives me a hug and a kiss, rolls over and is asleep within 10 minutes. Hopefully some rest helps and he wakes up fever free!

Lake George trip

In the beginning of March the kids and I went to The indoor water park at The Great Escape in Lake George with Nama. The kids had so much fun and it was a pretty good experience. They loved being in the water, once they got over the initial fear of being swept away or something. It was for two nights/3 days and we got to do so much stuff. Aiden got to meet his all time favorite character ever, Scooby Doo! He even got his autograph! Riley did not sleep well though. He has almost always slept in his crib with the door closed, not in an open hotel room with four other people! I have a lot of pictures, so bare with me!

Has it really been THAT long??

Wow, I guess it has been quite a while since my last post! I have been kind of in hiding from the world. I kind of shrunk into my own little shell and couldn't quite climb my way out.
The sad thing is that I am still digging my way out of this mood and this feeling. I thought taking a couple of days away to myself would help me clear my head and re-focus myself on what's important. I was wrong. I came back even more stressed out and feeling very frazzled over all the emotions I am going through. It was odd having time to do nothing or even to do whatever I wanted. I didn't have the daily routines to keep my head busy or to distract me from my thoughts. I missed the kids horribly and realized that I have GOT to get myself out there more, because I have so few people that I can call and talk to about things.
Life has taken so many turns over the past few months. The kids are doing okay. Things are tough and different and they know this. Their behavior has been all over the place from being clingy to being angry and everything in between.
Aiden has been having a harder time at school and on the bus, he has been acting out a lot. He is very excited about his 7th birthday coming up (I am excited for him, but I miss my baby boy!). He has baseball starting up very soon and then I just signed both him and Calleigh for SAMBA soccer camp this summer!
Miss Calleigh. Well, things have been extremely difficult with her. I believe I wrote about her ADHD diagnosis. We have had tough time finding her a medication that works with her. The first one we tried made her like a zombie, it completely wiped out any spunk and spark and made her almost focus too much (seems odd to think about it that way, but it did!). SO then we had some trouble with the pharmacy and the insurance and getting a prior authorization so she was without any kind of medication for about a week. Which was probably one of the craziest weeks ever. We finally got her on the second medication and it did the opposite of the first. She was hyped up all the time and almost euphoric. It was to a point though that she was doing unsafe things and thinking they were hilarious. We were at the store and she let go of the stroller and ran through the doors towards the road! Before you could just yell her name and she would immediately stop and know she was in trouble and come back. This time she ran faster and was laughing hysterically the entire time. She was almost possessed. It was odd. Then we went to a third one and once again had problems with the insurance company. She was once again without meds, but for almost 2 weeks. It was back-breakingly painful to watch. She was all over the place and I felt horrible. I know she mentally and physically just cannot control herself, no matter how hard she wants too. She is wired completely different than we are. We finally got her on her new medication, but it is like an anti-depressant: it takes about 3-4 weeks to build up in her system. SO it was a little rough at the start still, but now that it is starting to build up (she's been on it for just over 2 weeks) I can see a slight difference. She goes up and down throughout the day still but she is able to do the things she enjoys much easier. When it's working it's good, but when it's not working and we are in the "down" phase.....it is insane to deal with. I just hope for her own peace of mind we can get things smoothed out soon and she can be a happy, productive and lovable little girl I know she is!
Riley is doing good. He is growing so quickly and he talks ALL the time now. He is one that knows what he wants, that's for sure!! The two's have hit him in full force like it never did the other two. It is hard because he wants to be just like Aiden. He tries to do the things Aiden does (and not just the great things!). Aiden figured out the whole "I hate you" thing and now Riley repeats it to any and everyone when he is mad. He will say "I mad at you, I hate you". It is some time's very heart breaking to hear those words come out of his little cute mouth. I know he doesn't really understand and mean it, but it still cuts kind of deep when he says it. I am anxious to see how potty training will go with him. I am hopefully going to start that next month, but I am not sure if he will be quite ready for it.
And me. Well, I am breathing and taking as many steps forward as I can. It is extremely difficult though to make it through the days. I did get offered a job at Home Depot. I wish I could say I was thrilled about it. I am happy that I can bring in some of the income that the kids and I need, but I wish it was doing what I wanted to do. The hard part is that I am not sure what that is at this moment. I do have another interview at a greenhouse in Essex, which I think I would enjoy much much more, just not sure if I should take the risk to do a seasonal thing or go with the steady one for now. I am thinking I would like to get a job at the school so that I could have the same schedule as the kids. It would work out the best in my situation. It is hard with my qualifications...which is basically nothing. Needless to say I am really stressed out and don't know what to do with myself half the time! I'm hoping things turn around with the BEAUTIFUL weather we are having right now. It was so warm and sunny today and that is supposed to continue. I am going to try and do updated "nice" pictures of the kiddos. I got them some matchy matchy kind of outfits from The Children's place and I think they will look great, I might even hop into one of the pictures so I can get one of the four of us.
Well, I think my catch up has turned into a long rambling of stuff. Hopefully I can slowly crawl out of my hiding hole and get back into writing the blog. I have to pull myself together and move forward.