Wow, I guess it has been quite a while since my last post! I have been kind of in hiding from the world. I kind of shrunk into my own little shell and couldn't quite climb my way out.
The sad thing is that I am still digging my way out of this mood and this feeling. I thought taking a couple of days away to myself would help me clear my head and re-focus myself on what's important. I was wrong. I came back even more stressed out and feeling very frazzled over all the emotions I am going through. It was odd having time to do nothing or even to do whatever I wanted. I didn't have the daily routines to keep my head busy or to distract me from my thoughts. I missed the kids horribly and realized that I have GOT to get myself out there more, because I have so few people that I can call and talk to about things.
Life has taken so many turns over the past few months. The kids are doing okay. Things are tough and different and they know this. Their behavior has been all over the place from being clingy to being angry and everything in between.
Aiden has been having a harder time at school and on the bus, he has been acting out a lot. He is very excited about his 7th birthday coming up (I am excited for him, but I miss my baby boy!). He has baseball starting up very soon and then I just signed both him and Calleigh for SAMBA soccer camp this summer!
Miss Calleigh. Well, things have been extremely difficult with her. I believe I wrote about her ADHD diagnosis. We have had tough time finding her a medication that works with her. The first one we tried made her like a zombie, it completely wiped out any spunk and spark and made her almost focus too much (seems odd to think about it that way, but it did!). SO then we had some trouble with the pharmacy and the insurance and getting a prior authorization so she was without any kind of medication for about a week. Which was probably one of the craziest weeks ever. We finally got her on the second medication and it did the opposite of the first. She was hyped up all the time and almost euphoric. It was to a point though that she was doing unsafe things and thinking they were hilarious. We were at the store and she let go of the stroller and ran through the doors towards the road! Before you could just yell her name and she would immediately stop and know she was in trouble and come back. This time she ran faster and was laughing hysterically the entire time. She was almost possessed. It was odd. Then we went to a third one and once again had problems with the insurance company. She was once again without meds, but for almost 2 weeks. It was back-breakingly painful to watch. She was all over the place and I felt horrible. I know she mentally and physically just cannot control herself, no matter how hard she wants too. She is wired completely different than we are. We finally got her on her new medication, but it is like an anti-depressant: it takes about 3-4 weeks to build up in her system. SO it was a little rough at the start still, but now that it is starting to build up (she's been on it for just over 2 weeks) I can see a slight difference. She goes up and down throughout the day still but she is able to do the things she enjoys much easier. When it's working it's good, but when it's not working and we are in the "down" phase.....it is insane to deal with. I just hope for her own peace of mind we can get things smoothed out soon and she can be a happy, productive and lovable little girl I know she is!
Riley is doing good. He is growing so quickly and he talks ALL the time now. He is one that knows what he wants, that's for sure!! The two's have hit him in full force like it never did the other two. It is hard because he wants to be just like Aiden. He tries to do the things Aiden does (and not just the great things!). Aiden figured out the whole "I hate you" thing and now Riley repeats it to any and everyone when he is mad. He will say "I mad at you, I hate you". It is some time's very heart breaking to hear those words come out of his little cute mouth. I know he doesn't really understand and mean it, but it still cuts kind of deep when he says it. I am anxious to see how potty training will go with him. I am hopefully going to start that next month, but I am not sure if he will be quite ready for it.
And me. Well, I am breathing and taking as many steps forward as I can. It is extremely difficult though to make it through the days. I did get offered a job at Home Depot. I wish I could say I was thrilled about it. I am happy that I can bring in some of the income that the kids and I need, but I wish it was doing what I wanted to do. The hard part is that I am not sure what that is at this moment. I do have another interview at a greenhouse in Essex, which I think I would enjoy much much more, just not sure if I should take the risk to do a seasonal thing or go with the steady one for now. I am thinking I would like to get a job at the school so that I could have the same schedule as the kids. It would work out the best in my situation. It is hard with my qualifications...which is basically nothing. Needless to say I am really stressed out and don't know what to do with myself half the time! I'm hoping things turn around with the BEAUTIFUL weather we are having right now. It was so warm and sunny today and that is supposed to continue. I am going to try and do updated "nice" pictures of the kiddos. I got them some matchy matchy kind of outfits from The Children's place and I think they will look great, I might even hop into one of the pictures so I can get one of the four of us.
Well, I think my catch up has turned into a long rambling of stuff. Hopefully I can slowly crawl out of my hiding hole and get back into writing the blog. I have to pull myself together and move forward.
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