To work or not to work?

I am once again facing the dilema. I absolutely LOVE staying at home with my kiddos and the hope is to continue doing that. However, with all of the winter bills piling up and summer ahead I have to decide if I can go back to work. It always come back to the same question though. Childcare. No matter where I go to work or what I do we would have to pay for childcare for two children and that would total around $350/week! Then once summer comes we would need care for Aiden and that would tack on even more to the expense. So when it comes down to it: paying for childcare would wipe out my take home pay. Then the next question would be...would it help my sanity to be out of the house? As stated above: I LOVE staying at home. However, I do crave adult connections and some childless hours. I get it from all sides. Why would you want to leave them? Like I am abandoning them or something. I feel bad enough already thank you! I also get the don't you want to get out of the house, don't you want to help alleviate your husband's workload? Of course I do. If I had the choice I would only want him to do school and then be at home with the kids and I as much as possible. Of course I want to have adult interaction. I just wish that it was an easy decision to make. I used to work in childcare before/while I had kids. I don't think that is where I want to go back. I am kind of burnt out on it. I am around kids all the time now, so I don't think I want to make it my life anymore. I have thought of doing the HR Block tax course. The last (and only) time we had our taxes done by someone else they suggested I should do it because I did such a great job with all of our previous years taxes and caught things they missed. I don't want to say I am talentless....but I don't have much expertise in many areas. So my opportunities are kind of limited. I think I may try and stick it out until Wes finishes school and gets through finding another job before I make any changes.

Doctor's office or a second home?

You know it's pretty sad (but good and comforting in a way) when the doctor's office knows you by sight and the nurses remember all 3 kids names and what they like. We have been into that office twice in the last 24 hours and as much as I really like the office, I am kind of tired of seeing them! We went in today for Riley. He slept horrible last night, maybe a total of 3 and a half hours. He woke up with a fever of about 103 and it went up to about 104. He was and is still miserable. His eyes are red and watery and they have very large bags under them. As soon as we got home from the doctor's ofice....the vomiting started. He has done it twice now and sorry if it seems like too much information. And of course, the six and three year old are grossly disgusted but strangely fascinated by what can come out of a 19 month old. The *good* news is there is no ear infetion in the ears. It seems to just be a virus. I just hope it is a 24 hour thing and he is the only poor soul in this house to get this bug. He just sits there and stares at me with those eyes. They are basically begging me to do something to help him....which I only wish I could do. It has gotten to that point where I would be sick for him if I could. He took a very brief 30 minute nap before the doctor's office, only to wake up very hot, sweaty and screaming. We went back to just sitting and staring. I just really hope he feels better by tomorrow.

Ear infections

So we just came back from yet another Doctor's appointment. Calleigh has yet another double ear infection. She just finished her meds from the last one at the beginning of this past week. Her tubes are officially out so here we go again. I feel awful that I had to give Calleigh and Riley my poor ear problems. I had to have the tubes surgery done 12 times. 6 in and 6 out. I hope it does not affect her hearing in the long run. I wish it was her doctor that was on call today but it wasn't. Poor Calleigh screamed the minute Dr. Long came in. She kept yelling "I don't want a shot". Referring to when she got her stitches and they had to give her a shot of Ketamine to knock her out. It hurt her quite a bit because she moved just as they were putting the needle into her leg. We will have to have the "do we or don't we" discussion as to whether or not we will do another round of tubes in her ears. It did make an improvement the last time, but she did still get ear infections off and on even with them in. We will have to wait and see what comes of it.

Family Time!

Today was an absolutely beautiful day out! I believe it was about 64 and sunny and just a slight breeze outside. We ended up picking Daddy up at work around 1:30 and made our way to Chuck-Lin's Sugar house for Maple Open House Weekend! The kids had so much fun, we ended up running into our cousins Michael, Cayce, Jake and Cooper. The kids were very excited to see them and we did not know they would be there. We waited patiently at the bottom of the road for the Horse drawn carraige to take us up to the sugar house. Riley was super fascinated with these gigantic horses. They are beautiful! The road was very very muddy. There were parts where it was pure slop. Once we got to the sugar house they had sap and syrup samples and the best tasting maple cream cookies. No Joke. I have never had anything that has tasted as yummy as these cookies did. They got them from On the Rise Bakery right in Richmond and I will be going tomorrow to see if they have more down there! They were kind of like a shortbread cookie with a smooth maple cream in the middle. There is a picture below of Riley diving right in! The kids got to see the sap boiling and turning into syrup. They were fascinated by how much smoke there was inside the sugar house. My husband got a lesson on the difference in the grades of syrup.....while I chased and hunted three crazy kiddos. We know Jack Linn and his family through my husband's famly. So they spent time catching up while we ate the cooies and sampling the yummy goodness! We ended up walking back down the road and it was a great walk in the woods and through the mud. The kids got to check out the sap lines and buckets. It was so much fun and much needed family time that we don't get it very often! Daddy unfortunatly had to be back at work to help out after his own 8 hour shift. He will be home for dinner, but I cannot wait until we are through this and he does not have to be working there anymore! It was a lot of fun and here are some pictures from today!

The new stroller arrival!

My new stroller is here! I am very very excited about it! We ended up going with the Dreamer Design Dreamer Manhattan Lite. It is a great stroller. We did have a slight problem with the wheel. The axle hole is too small for wither wheel to fit on the left side. They both fit in the right side but not all the way into the left. We have called Dreamer Design and she said as long as it is secure and does not affect the functionality of the stroller it should still be safe. I used it for Stroller Strides today and it strolled beautifully! The best thing about it is the handle can adjust from 38-45 inches! It is great because I need a higher handle height bt others that may be using the stroller would need it lower. Riley also rides up higher, shich is nice, he can see everything that is going on. It has two larger water bottle holders on the back of the seat back as well as a zippered storage compartment above that that is a nice size to hold a few diapers/wipes and wallet etc. It has mesh cup holders on the inside of the seat for Riley and a nice sized basket underneath. I sometime's go back and forth that I should have gotten another double stroller, but we will keep the old InStep double Jogger for those times we may need to strap in Miss Monkey Calleigh. She is getting too big weight wise for most doubles anyway. This new stroller goes up to 80 pounds so even Aiden will be able to ride in it for at least 2 more years! I cannot say enough good things about this stroller! I LOVE it! It is the 2007 model so we got a great value on it at closeout price of $175 on http://www.returnsforsale.com/, a fantastic site! It retailed for $230. I am so excited to have a new toy!

Sanity Time

Such a busy time of year. I am trying to find time for myself in all the craziness. I got to go out to Mexicali with other Moms on Tuesday night and it was a lot of fun! I have to say the service was horrible and the food was not great, but just getting out of the house was what I needed. Just next time I will not be going to Mexicali. I am hoping at least twice a month to have what I call sanity time. After the other night I felt refreshed and happier all around. My hubby gets his time every week where he goes and plays "mangames"-darts, pool, etc. So why shouldn't I have mine? Oh wait, there are three kids to find a sitter for-ha! It is very very difficult to find a sitter for three kids under tha age of 6. They are lovable kids, I promise! They have their moments, but we all do right? I am in the process of working out a babysitter issue. We have come to the realization we are going to have to go to the "outside world" for a babysitter. The only issue with that is cost. Either we can afford to go out to do something or we can afford to pay the babysitter, but not both. At least not most of the time.
Hopefully we wil lbe able to figure it all out and Mommy can have her sanity time. We would all be much happier.

Giving roots.

Aiden had his appt with the counselor today. It was interesting and he was way more into the toys she had in her office than actually speaking with her. He had about 25 minutes alone in the room with her so hopefully he opened up then. I just hope we can get the help he/us need to get him back to the fun, happy kid he was last year. Wes and I go back next Tuesday to decide where to go from here. Calleigh and Riley ended up staying with my sister in law, Dawn while I went with Aiden. I was pretty nervous. Riley is definitely a Mama's boy so I was not sure how he was going to do with Dawn. The last time I left him with her, which was quite a while ago, he cried for an hour. This time it was smooth sailing and he played the entire 2.5 hours with his sister and another little girl that was there. I am happy to know he will be okay when Mommy leaves his side.
However, I am a little sad to know he will be okay when I leave his side. As a Mom I know that it is my job to give them roots and then let them branch out on there own. I just wish I could be behind them with pillows in case they fall and a stool if they need a step up. I know though that I just need to be there with the band-aids and shoulder when they do fall and the praise and listening ear when they do step up. I know there are going to be times when I have to trust they will make the right decision with the information I have given them, and that I can't make those decisions for them. I knwo that they need to live their life just like I lived mine. The good and the bad, no matter how much I want to shelter them in Mother's reach forever.

What an experience.

We went today to get Calleigh's stitches out. WOW! What an experience THAT was. As much as I hated that they knocked her out to put the stitches in...I now see why. We get to the Dr's office and I had explained to her on the way there that they were going to use small scissors to cut the strings and then tweezers to pull the pieces out. She was okay with it until Dr. Gerson came in with the scissors and the tweezers. She immediatly flipped out. Hands, legs and body went in all kinds of different directions. I felt so sorry for any patient that was anywhere in that building....they were probably wondering what kind of torture are they doing to her? I now wish I had brought someone with me to help with her! I had to physically pin her to the table while he held her head and tried to cut the stitches. There were several times when the scissors went into the cut and it started to bleed again. It took about 45 minutes to get it done. We decided that it was deserving of pink ice cream (really Italian Ice). That always makes it better.

simple things

This was what happened when we gave Riley his oatmeal and a spoon. He would put the bowl on his head and then tip his head and let the bowl fall off and laugh hysterically! It was a big mess, but he was having a blast! Gotta love the simple things.

Picture updates

Here is Calleigh's first battle scar. It looks MUCH better in these pictures than it does in person.

She is getting back to her old crazy monkey self, which makes Mommy very nervous!! I hope this does not turn me into one of "those" mommies!

I am also putting a few updates of Riley on here and sorry (bad mommy) I don't have any of Aiden! I will now though because I feel horrible!

Emergency Room, Round 1 I am sure.

So, here we are. The morning after "it" happened.
Calleigh's first emergency room visit.
We knew it would come.
We know this may be the first, but will probably not be the last.
We always have said she would be the first with stitches and broken bones.
And so the story goes.
Last night we were baking chocolate chip cookie bars and banana bread. We got a late start and Mommy did not realize that it was after 6 already. So I gave in and grabbed two cans of Beefaroni out of the cabinet and sat the three kiddos down to eat. Anyone that is a Mom will know that potty breaks for Mommy are a few and far between thing. It is generally spent with children in and out of the bathroom and constant interupption. I thought I had a minute while they were gorging down there dinner to go potty...and I really had to go! (Sorry if this is too much info and yes I do realize I am using the word "potty"). I went into the bathroom, leaving the door open of course and I no sooner sat down when I hear the pounding of two pairs of feet heading up the stairs. I immediatly yelled for the two of them to come back down and sit back at the table. I was just barely finishing the sentence when I hear a very loud thud and the shrill screaming of a three year old girl. As I am coming out of the bathroom I hear Aiden come flying down the stairs saying Calleigh hit her head. When I asked him if she was bleeding he said no and turned around. Calleigh was coming down the stairs at this point and was right around the corner in the living room. I could not see her yet at this point. When Aiden turned around he immediatly, in a very panicky tone, starts saying: "oh yes, oh yes...she is bleeding, her head is bleeding".
And then Calleigh rounds the corner. What I saw made my heart immediatly went into my stomach and fear went through my head. Her forehead was gushing blood and the entire side of her head and face and both hands were covered in blood. This entire situation happened within mere minutes, maybe three minute. I barely even remember picking up the phone and calling my mom. I do not remember actually speaking to her but she showed up at my door. I also realized that I would need someone to come to he ER with me so I called my sister and she sat with the kids and tried to find my husband who, of all nights, was working at his internship and then had a Mason's meeting in town. We made it to the ER and Daddy came in not too much later.
We got triaged and sat in the waiting room for about 45 minutes before I went in and said okay, we need to get her checked out here. She was no longer gushing blood, but it was still really bad. They brought us back and she was checked out. At this point Calleigh was in a pretty good mood and was chatting away with anyone that would listen. As long as we did not move the cloth that was on her head she was content. The doctor comes in, he was amazing with her. They tell us they will be giving her Ketamine to knock her out while they stitch it together and check it out. This involved a shot. Not a favorite thing of Calleigh's. They come back in all set to knock her out and she at this point has no clue what is going on until she sees the shot. She starts flipping out. They had asked Daddy and Nana to leave the room so it was just the nurse (a very patient, understanding, laid back, guy) holding her down to give her the shot. She moved even though we had a really good grip on her, so she has a nice bruise on her thigh from the shot. They give her the shot and she slowly starts to calm down. Here comes the freaky part. Her eyes stayed open! They neglected to tell me they would STAY open while they were doing this. She looked like a zombie. But it was fairly quick and they sewed her up. SHe had a lot of sub dermal stitches and 10 facial stitches. The problem was that at this point it was almost 10. She slipped right from being sedated into a very heavy snoring sleep. They want them to wake up, open their eyes and at least say one thing before they will discharge them. Calleigh was exhausted. So we let her sleep for about 30/40 minutes and then tried to wake her. That is when we noticed her face was slightly puffy and was turning red. So the nurse guy came back in and took vitals and temp again. She was doing great just a minor reaction, so we would have to stay a little longer. We tried to wake her again around 11:30 and she did open her eyes and said a mumble of something. So we were discharged and went home. When we finally got home is when Calleigh woke up and was re-telling the story over and over again. We let her sleep in our bed with us and Riley and Aiden had gone to Nama and Papa's house overnight because it was so late. Mommy did not sleep pretty much at all and Calleigh would wake up crying a few times. She did end up sleeping until 10 this morning which was nice, even though I could not sleep. She is doing pretty good this morning and has been spoiled a little. I am just happy she is okay. I am going to take a picture later tonight and post it to show her battle scar.

slowing down.

I was reading a friend's blog post today. (It will not let me link to it at the moment). She reminded me to slow down and take advantage of all the wonderful things my children have to offer. So many times throughout the hectic days I sit and wish that they could do things for themselves or that they could do things differently. Today I realized that all of the little things.....sitting on my lap instead of wanting to watch TV or go with their friends, telling me a "secret" instead of having a best friend to run to, letting me give them a kiss at school, bathtime, naptime-where I can just stand in their doorway and watch them sleep so peacefully, letting me help them feel better when they are in need, even making them dinner and sitting to eat with them, and yes...even the tantrums/arguements.
All of these things are going to start to slowly slip away. Some already have with Aiden.
I remember when he was born five weeks early and the days when he was in the NICU and so small. I could not even hold him for the first day. Those were the most excruitating 24 hours of my life. I remember reading him books then and now. Now he is beginning to read on his own. Now he has me kiss him goodbye when the bus rounds the corner down the road...not when it pulls up at the driveway. Bathtime has turned into a shower and he wants to do it on his own. The thing I miss the most is the snuggles. He used to want to snuggle all the time and sit with me. Now he is too big to even sit on my lap and when he does snuggle it only lasts a minute and before I can enjoy the moment...it is gone.
Calleigh is such a strong willed, head strong, determined child. I am so proud that she knows what she wants and she goes for it. I want her to grow up and be an independent, kind, strong woman. Sometimes her stubborn qualities frustrate me and put me on edge. However, I would not change it for the world. The story below of her singing in her bedroom is one I truly will remember and I will always see her as that little girl in her own world. I know she is going to grow up and move on to friends. I just hope we can have a strong bond and that no matter what she will always be able to come back to Mom. Calleigh has never been one into all of the above mentioned things that I am afraid of losing. She has always been into her own thing and I love her more and more for it each day. She does enjoy a good snuggle if she is alone with me though....even though that does not happen very often.
Riley is a Momma's boy. I hate to say it, but at the same time...I love to say it! He is always with me and this is the longest stretch I have been home with my children for so he has gotten me the longest. He hates it when I am not with him, he loves to snuggle and just sit with me. He loves when I read him stories and give him baths. He is all about the Mommy right now (Daddy is not quite as happy as mommy is about this). Sometime's I get frustrated because I can not leave him with many people without fits of screaming and tantrums, but Jenn's post reminded me that I need to cherish all of these moments because they are so slowly squeaking by and I am just lucky enough to be able to be called Mom by these three amazing, wonderful, diverse kiddos. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Riley's 18 month check up

Riley had his 18 month checkup the other day. He is doing well! He is finally on the growth chart! He weighs 22lbs and 4oz. He is just under 31 inches long. We are mostly excited because we are all comfortable enough turning his car seat around now. He is much happier. The thing that I have found challanging though is he has to sit in the middle back seat of the van! His car seat does not buckle well/safely enough with the seat belt. The belt pulls the car seat too far at an angle to be installed properly with the belt. So now I have to re-arrange the seats around and decide who should sit where to avoid arguements. I may end up buying Calleigh a new high back booster with harness and put Riley in Calleighs old seat because for some reason that one will install properly with the belt. She is ready for a new seat and she likes the cute hot pink flower one that is at Wal Mart. It is only $45. Riley did very well at his appointment. His language skills have grown exponentially over the past month! He talks a lot and is using more and more words every day. He was very upset with the nurse though because he got 4 shots that day! His poor legs were pretty sore that day. He only ran a slight fever too. His right tube is not in place. It is still in his ear though. His left tube is in place. There is a possibility of needing tubes a second time because he has had "chronic" ear infections still even with the tubes in. They define chronic as one every other month for an extended period...I think like six months. Riley has had 7 ear infections since his tube surgery 7 months ago. We are going to see if/how many more he gets.
Riley is growing so fast and it doesn't seem possible he will be 2 by the end of the summer.

Aiden and Calleigh catch up

Once again it has been a while. We made it through school break! Barely. It was pretty close to "pull your hair out" moods around here...and not just me. I think the kiddos were at that point as well!
We went to Aiden's appointment with Danielle D'amico at Fletcher Allen. She is a really nice woman and she specializes in Trauma, Loss and attachment. The first appointment is just Wesley and I and we went over everything that has happened with Aiden's behavior and in the past year. Time ran over so I have to go back tomorrow and speak with her myself and finish up our initial interview. Then next Tuesday Aiden will go back the following Tuesday to meet with her and *hopefully* talk to her. Wes and I have to be at that appoinment as well because towards the end she will bring us in and have us interact with Aiden and then the final appt in this beginning process is that Wesley and I go back to see if this is the direction we go or to look in another area. One of the things she mentioned is that he could have an under-lying attention issue and this trauma could have pronounced it even more. I have a feeling that may be the road to head down, as much as I don't want him to be labeled it seems to me to fit the most......now let me just show you my medical license up on the wall. lol! I just hope that no matter what happens we get some kind of help/answers. We are kind of at the end of what we can do!
So another Calleigh story is lurking around the corner. Actually a few! The first one happens when Calleigh was left alone in her room with the gate up because I needed to take a shower and it could not wait any longer! I wish I had my camera handy because I laughed so hard for a good ten minutes. I took a very very quick shower and when I get out I hear her singing in her room. I quietly walk up to he door to watch for a few minutes. What I find standing there will be one of the greatest moments. Calleigh was standing on her mattres (which is on the floor until a twin bed can be located!). Let me try to paint the picture of the girl standing there.
Calleigh went into her room with her blonde hair brushed and down. She had on a cute blue long sleeve shirt and some jeans that had some cute embroidered flowers on it and white socks.
The girl standing in fron of me had 17 clips in her hair and two pony holders intertwined throughout the "nest". She had found a red and blue marker....which I swear I DID take out of the room but she has spots that are the greatest hiding spots and I must find them before she is a teenager! She had put on the red "lipstick" from her chin to her nose and from ear to ear. She had also so beautifully put on the blue "eye makeup" ALL around her eyes. When I say all around...I mean a good 4 inches all the way around the eye. Her face kind of looked like those creepy clowns they use in horror films....but not so creepy. She had changed into pink tights with white flowers on them, one blue sock, one pink sock, a yellow tank top and had a green short sleeve shirt as her skirt. She was singing her own made up song.
The picture will forever be one of my favorites and most cherished ones of her...I only wish I had my camera here with me to take a picture to share with everyone. I am amazed she did all of this in a span of maybe 10 minutes!
The other story has to do with our chickens that are now wondering around the front yard. Calleigh has a strange aversion to these animals. I believe it is because she was attacked by our goose last summer (the goose was gone that day). Anyway...we were headed out to the car and Calleigh was walking in front of me. I did not know the birds were by the door because I could not see them over the wall. Calleigh all of a sudden starts freaking out and runs back into the house. She does not know how to lock the door but must have turned the button the right way as she was shutting the door. To my horror the door was locked and I was not on the inside! I quickly buckled Riley into his car seat and went back to the door hoping she would just turn the knob and it would open. I get to the door....still locked. I calmly and sweetly ask Calleigh to open the door because Mommy has to go potty. That did not work. I told her I needed to get my money. That did not work. I tried several other excuses and that did not work. I finally tried bribing her and THAT did not even work! I did not have the house key on the car keys...they are now. I finally tried the front door, which I knew was locked...but tried anyway. The entire time I am doing this and thinking that Calleigh is close to the door. I go around to the front of the house and Calleigh is standing at the big window by the driveway giggling. I gave her the "mean mommy look" and pointed to the door. I walked over there and it was open. I think she knew I meant business. We had a discussion on our drive that the chickens were not going to hurt her, she can't shut the door if Mommy is not in there with her...and so on and so on. Scared me half to death.
I am going to be doing other posts today too so I will stop here!