Reflection....I guess.

I think I am in some need of reflection tonight. I feel like I have spent all of my time recently arguing, frustrated or "punishing". This is the part of being a SAHM that I find frustrating. My husband has very long, difficult days/weeks. I know he is very stressed out and exhausted. He should be. He does 36 hours of school and then works almost 40 hours, sometimes more, on top of that. His days off are few and far between (maybe once a month if that). However, I feel that he does not understand that my job is literally 24/7. I get up with the kids at night when they get up because I feel like he shouldn't have to because he has to be up at 4am.. Granted it is not too often that the kids get up, but it is usually at least twice a night with one child or another. Interuppted sleep is almost worse than no sleep at all sometimes. I am the alarm clock, the stylist, the caterer, the taxi, the entertainment, the dog walker, the meal preparer (yes, this is seperate from caterer), the bather, the story teller, the snuggler, the song singer and the negotiator. I deal with the arguing, the punishing and the whiny irritating non-stop "mommy". The only appreciation I get for it is knowing that they are clean, healthy and happy. And sometimes and I am not always sure about the happy part....they never seem to be! I never ever pretend that I can do what my husband does day in and day out. I cannot cook well for our own family let alone strangers. I know absolutely nothing about airplanes or physics or engineering. However, I feel like he thinks what I do is simple and can be done by anyone in the blink of an eye. I feel like he does not understand why the laundry is not done or the dishes from breakfast are still in the sink. The past few days have been very tough and I am beginning to feel burnt out from the past two years that Wes has been doing school and working full time. I think we are both headed for burn out mode. I do love staying at home, most of the time. I love the snuggling and story telling and song singing. And I know that the good comes with the bad, but lately it seems like there is more bad than good. I have been trying to get up each morning with a positive attitude and remember that school is almost over and we will get Daddy and hubby back home more often.
I promise my posts will get more light hearted and not dripping with disdain at some point. Things have just been very rough lately and I am happy that I have a place to write my thoughts down without worry (or care to be honest) of being judged for feeling the way that I feel. Nobody ever warned me when I was playing house 25 years ago that it would truly be as difficult as it is right now.

Here piggy piggy....

Okay, so we acquired two new members of the family today. Not so sure I should call them family members....maybe more family sustanance. If you are opposed to any kind of animal slaughtering, then I would encourage you not to read on (not that it is gross or that there are pictures of slaughtered animals...but that is what these cutesy little piglets shown will eventually have as their fate.) Anyway, I have been opposed from day one of getting these piglets. I do think in the long run it is more econmically sound to buy them this way, feed them, raise them and then have them slaughtered for the meat (which does taste so much better!). However, we in no way have time for them. Our schedules are so hectic and entwined that we barely have time for the chickens and the massive 4500 square feet of garden space. I love my husband and I know he thinks this is the right decision for our family and I too in time will probably come around.....however right now I am not too happy with this purchase. It also did not start well that the man was supposed to drop them off between 2 and 3 this afternoon. He did not show. We had our normal Friday night plans to go to the cafe for dinner and then to get some essentials (paper towels, TP, etc.) at Wal Mart. They still had not gotten here by the time we left at 5. I get to the cafe and my husband was on the phone with them and they said they would be here in an hour with them. We quickly finished dinner, because somehow this all fell onto my shoulders. I got home at 6 and waited for 30 minutes (30 minutes past when they said they would be here). I had to get to the store at this point or it was going to be a disasterous trip at the store because the kids would be grumpy and tired! I left a note with a check and told him where to put the pigs. I got home at 8:20 and they still had not been here! I got a call from them a few minutes after I walked in the door, they had just driven past our house. So I gave them directions back to our house and 20 minutes later they showed up (almost 6 hours later than they were originally supposed to be here). The kids were of course still awake and refusing to go to bed. It is now 9:40 and they are still upstairs trying to argue with me about going out to see the pigs.

Okay, I think I am officially done with my rant now and sorry if you actually read the entire thing. I just needed to get it out. if you did read, Thanks! I leave you now with a few pics of our new little friends.

A boy and his dog

wha wha Wednesday

Sitting here at home with Riley today. Outside is grey and dark. The windows are foggy from the cool rain outside and the warm air inside. I can hear the dog dreaming on the couch. He kind of whimpers when he dreams and I think he must be chasing something because his legs go every now and then. Riley is up and down all the time. He never sits stilll, never. Currently he is cuddling next to the dog. Jerry groans as Riley climbs up. He is so good with the kids, but sometimes just wants to sit by himself. I look forward to Wednesday and Friday mornings. It is the time I get to spend with just Riley. I get to watch him play and catch up with the time that gets lost during the daily routines. I sometimes feel like I have missed a lot because we have been so swept up with daily routines of life. I have been trying to spend individual time with each of the kids as well. Things are getting pretty ramped up here. The end of school for both Wes and Aiden, the KC trip, soccer camp, gardening, animals, family stuff. It is pretty stressful. I just hope it calms down once school is done and things are "normal". Stress sucks. lol.

Riley's new do

Riley recently got a haircut and I am having a hard time with it! He is not such a baby anymore. He is a toddler and he looks like one now! The stroller pic is obviously before, his hair is long. I think with a new haircut came a new personality because he is crazier than ever right now!

Aiden's baseball

I am hoping to get some updates on now that I have my pictures on the computer. The first is Aiden's baseball. He LOVES to play baseball. I guess technically it is tee-ball, but they rarely actually use the tee so we just say baseball! Aiden's coaches have both commented on his strength in throwing and his natural swing. The first day of practice the coach asked all the kids to just swing the bat, without being thrown a pitch. Aiden stepped up and went took his swing. The coach turned around with a huge grin on his face and gave me a thumbs up sign. He later said "don't touch that swing, it's great. He'll do well with that kind of swing". We knew he was great at baseball, but most importantly he loves to play. I have some pics of Aiden meeting with his team and practicing, he is so cute when he plays (even though I would never say that to him....he makes me kiss him before the bus rounds the corner in the morning now :(. They grow up so fast). Calleigh loves to go to his games and practice because she has made some friend's there as well!

BBQ!

We had our BBQ yesterday. Everyone had a lot of fun and the food was great. It was kind of chilly in the shade and with the wind here, but overall a good day. It was nice to be together with friends and take the time to remember and honor. We played horseshoes and our friend's love playing with thekids, most of them are just big kids themselves! We are the few and far between of most of the people we know, they do not have children so they have all the energy in the world to come and run and play. Sometime's I wonder who tires out first, the kids or the adults!

Yum.....Watermelon!

Plans for Monday

We got a lot done yesterday, including cleaning the entire downstairs and mowing/weed whacking the lawn. We are trying to get ready for our BBQ on Monday. Hopefully the weather holds out and it does not rain! It was supposed to rain yesterday and it has decided to rain this morning instead. We have some friends coming over to enjoy the day with us, and of course Mr. BBQ himself will have enough food for twice as many people that are here. He is smoking ham and a brisket. He has ribs, steaks and two roasting chickens. We will have potato salad, pasta salad, summer squash, asparagus and hopefully watermelon if I can ever get out to get one. I want to get the stuff for yummy smore's too! Wes also ordered a quarter keg of blackbeary wheat from the cafe (my favorite beer!). Not like we will drink it all....but we can try ;) We are both so badly in need of a let loose kind of day. What better way to do that than with friends and food! I am excited for the day and hope that the kids will cooperate as well. We bought some fun popper things for them to play and I am going to get more bubbles as well.
I also promise that I will be including more pictures in my posts, I finally found my camera! For those of you that have not seen Riley in a while....I will warn you, he got a haircut and looks so different!

Beautiful day and a boo boo

Yesterday was a beautiful day here, sunny and 88! We went to a playdate at a friends house in the morning. I had Riley and Calleigh with me while Aiden was at school. I forgot to switch out the single jogger with the double stroller so Calleigh walked most of the way to the park at the playdate. It is a mile one way so she got her exercise! She did great. We played at the park for a while in the sun and the kids had a lot of fun and then we headed back to our friend's house to play some more and have a snack. She has a beautiful house and yard and is always a great hostess. She had great yummy snacks for all of us. It was so nice to sit in the sun while the kids played and talk with other Moms. It was getting really close to naptime so we decided to leave.
That's when our wonderful time came to a screeching halt. Literally. Calleigh was standing on the curb while I put Riley in his side of the van. I checked and made sure she was clear and started to shut the van door. We don't have those automatic doors on our car so you really have to shut our doors hard to get them to shut all the way. Anyway. I started to shut the door and as I was turning and shutting it, Calleigh slipped off the curb and used the van to catch herself. Well it was too late for me to stop the door, no matter how hard I tried. Her pointer finger ended up shut into the door. I really mean shut in the door. It latched and was closed. Only for two seconds, if that, but it was enough that her finger has a pretty good cut and nasty bruise. Luckily we were only a minute away from her doctor's office. It was their half hour lunch break so the phone was going straight to the nurses voicemail. I knew they were in the office so we just drove over and they looked at her finger. She was of course screaming because it was in a lot of pain. They gave me the choice of going right over for Xrays or going home to get her to settle down first and then go over later if I felt like we needed to. I opted for going home because there was no way I could go to the hospital right then with both Riley and Calleigh since both were exhausted from our morning. I figured a little snuggling would be good to calm her down and Wes was going to come home so I could take just her for the Xrays. We got home and she cried off and on until 3:00 when we left for the hospital. They got us right in and out and luckily it was not broken. It is bruised pretty good and the cut is gross looking, but she is doing much much better today and seems to be using it more as well. She went to school this morning too, which made her happier.
So all in all it was a good day, with a few bumps in the road and Mommy got a little too much sun!

Moment by moment

I cannot believe that it is so close to the end of May already. Before we know it the leaves will be changing and the snow will start to blanket the hills. I am hoping to enjoy every moment of summer this year. The kids are growing up so quickly and I feel like I barely get used to one thing before they change and do something else or something new. I love the age span that our kids are. Aiden and Calleigh are 30 months apart and Riley and Calleigh are 22 months apart. Sometimes I enjoy that once one of my kiddos moves out of a stage I have another one right behind them getting into the same thing. However, sometimes....not so much!
Take right now for example. Calleigh is *slowly* coming out of the the whiney, cranky, crabby, temper tantrum stage. Now it's Riley's turn. His favorite word is no, his favorite thing to do if he does not get his way is to throw himself backwards onto the ground and stiffen up. But our current winner of the day is still the screeching. No not screaming, or even yelling. Those I think I would be able to ignore....this is a screech so high pitched and so ear piercing that it drives dogs crazy. As much as those things drive me crazy, I love the looks he gives. I love the smiles through the pacifier and the whole arm wave when he says "hi". I love the way he runs, when his little legs get going too fast for his body and he can't stop, but laughs hysterically because he can't take it. I love the way he gets when he has had enough and just wants to sit with me. He snuggles right into my arms.....it seems amazing how your arms are made to hold little ones. They always seem to fit perfectly right when you or they need it.
Same goes for Calleigh. As much as she loves to drive me nuts and she seems to have a stash of food somewhere that I have yet to be able to find...I wouldn't change one thing about her personality. I mean it, Calleigh seems to find food and have it at all times. She is a huge fan of gum! I have gum that I have been trying to chew instead of snacking, one day I realized there was a whole pack of it missing. I went in search (because I knew who probably took it). I looked in Calleigh's room and sure enough, she had it inside of her pillowcase in her room, along with a cereal bar and four markers. I thought the mural that she has so lovingly drawn all over her wall had grown. The good news...no scissors so there wouldn't have been anymore haircuts al a Aiden! Calleigh is growing into such an amazing little girl. She is definitely not a girly girl, but she has her moments (I am not a girly girl by any means). She has the sweetest grin and is one of the most compassionate three year olds I have ever met. She is always looking out for everyone and wants to make sure they are okay. I love how she wants to cuddle and sing songs with me. That is our favorite thing to do together. You are my Sunshine is her favorite thing to sing to me and for me to sing to her. My grandmother used to sing it to me. Funny how things work out that way.
I cannot believe Aiden is six years old. He continues to surprise us each and every day. As many challanges as we have had with him, there are just as many wonderful things to go along with it. He is so creative. He loves to put things together and work things out in his mind. He has a hard time with reading and writing but that never stops him from making us notes and pictures and cards, just to say he loves us. He is passionate about everything he does, good and bad. If he loves something or likes to do it, then he does it 100% and goes for it all the way. On the flip side if it is something he dislikes, even a little bit, he will not budge or even try it. He is working hard in school and loves going, even though he does find it challanging. I think that is why we have a hard time with him focusing and calming down at home. He has tried so hard to get through the day that way that when he gets home he has to let it all out. He has to keep moving and be all over the place. I can't say I blame him. If I had to use so much energy to make it through the day I would want to let loose at the end of the day. Aiden is also a very caring person. He loves to snuggle and sit...which is getting more difficult as he grows! He is *almost* too big to snuggle quite so much. I say almost because I don't think I could ever turn away a snuggle from my biggest boy, no matter how much he grows. I also know there will be one day where he doesn't want to sit with me, or snuggle and watch a movie. I already am missing those days.
All in all I guess I am just having a (post) nostalgic day. I am taking a glance at our life the way it is now and realizing how much has already changed and how much is going to change. Wes is almost done school, we are trying to move forward and get past the last two years. They have been tough ones, but they have changed us in a way that will always make us look forward to the future and changes that may come our way, good or bad. Taking it day by day and enjoying it moment by moment.

Ready for summer

Ready for summer is an understatement. School is winding down for both Wes and Aiden and we are all very excited. It has been difficult trying to plan for the big changes that are heading our way, but they will be for the better. Wesley only has four weeks left of school and then he leaves for Kansas City for a week. He is still very very nervous about his trip. He will do great no matter where he places, last or first! Just to be able to go is a great experience for him. We are very nervous about the thought of leaving the cafe, no matter how needed it is. He has been working there for the last ten+ years and it is his extended family in so many ways. It will be nice for him to be home though. Aiden is looking forward to the summer and soccer camp (which starts the week after school gets out). I am also looking forward to not having that morning rush. Yes we will still be up and around, but we can take our time most mornings and just enjoy the day.
I am hoping to continue to do Stroller Strides this summer. It has been a life saver. It gets me out of the house, gets me interacting with other moms and most importantly it gets me moving! I am just not sure how I am going to work it with all three being home most days. Or even on the days when Calleigh goes to school I still have Aiden and he is too big for the stroller. I think we will be okay though. Lindsey will be taking some time off once her little one arrives and there will be a break there. I will still get out of the house and take walks and continue to stay active, but I won't have to worry about getting everyone contained! I am still on my weight loss goal and I only have until my birthday to get to my goal. We will see how close I get.
I am hoping to get more pictures on here soon, but I cannot seem to find my camera to get them!

I'm BACK!

It truly has been so long. I was waiting for a power adaptor for my computer and it seemed to be out of stock everywhere! I really am happy to be back up and running and connected again. I guess I didn't realize how 'dependent' I was on my internet connection and my computer in general. I use the internet to stay connected to family that are not close by as well as all of my friends. Mainly my Mommy friends. Only other moms know what it is like to have minmal conversations. And by conversations I do not mean ones that involve bodily functions, bugs, food, or random thoughts that might just be passing through a child's mind. Even though conversations might not be face to face, and they may mainly focus on the kids or the husbands or the daily grind. The thing that helps is that it is with people who understand and are going through the same thing. They can empathize with how I am feeling. They can listen and understand that I am ready to tuck myself in a corner and just sit there for a while! I can in turn do the same thing. No, not all conversations are griping and complaining (at least I hope it doesn't seem that way). I have someone to talk about all the good things and amazing milestones with. I do share them with my husband and I love being able to do that when we can, but it is difficult for men to truly understand what a MOM goes through at home. So in short, I guess I have missed my 'internet' life for the past couple of weeks.
I will hopefully be catching up on pictures and posts over the next few weeks. There is so much to catch up on!