Reflection....I guess.

I think I am in some need of reflection tonight. I feel like I have spent all of my time recently arguing, frustrated or "punishing". This is the part of being a SAHM that I find frustrating. My husband has very long, difficult days/weeks. I know he is very stressed out and exhausted. He should be. He does 36 hours of school and then works almost 40 hours, sometimes more, on top of that. His days off are few and far between (maybe once a month if that). However, I feel that he does not understand that my job is literally 24/7. I get up with the kids at night when they get up because I feel like he shouldn't have to because he has to be up at 4am.. Granted it is not too often that the kids get up, but it is usually at least twice a night with one child or another. Interuppted sleep is almost worse than no sleep at all sometimes. I am the alarm clock, the stylist, the caterer, the taxi, the entertainment, the dog walker, the meal preparer (yes, this is seperate from caterer), the bather, the story teller, the snuggler, the song singer and the negotiator. I deal with the arguing, the punishing and the whiny irritating non-stop "mommy". The only appreciation I get for it is knowing that they are clean, healthy and happy. And sometimes and I am not always sure about the happy part....they never seem to be! I never ever pretend that I can do what my husband does day in and day out. I cannot cook well for our own family let alone strangers. I know absolutely nothing about airplanes or physics or engineering. However, I feel like he thinks what I do is simple and can be done by anyone in the blink of an eye. I feel like he does not understand why the laundry is not done or the dishes from breakfast are still in the sink. The past few days have been very tough and I am beginning to feel burnt out from the past two years that Wes has been doing school and working full time. I think we are both headed for burn out mode. I do love staying at home, most of the time. I love the snuggling and story telling and song singing. And I know that the good comes with the bad, but lately it seems like there is more bad than good. I have been trying to get up each morning with a positive attitude and remember that school is almost over and we will get Daddy and hubby back home more often.
I promise my posts will get more light hearted and not dripping with disdain at some point. Things have just been very rough lately and I am happy that I have a place to write my thoughts down without worry (or care to be honest) of being judged for feeling the way that I feel. Nobody ever warned me when I was playing house 25 years ago that it would truly be as difficult as it is right now.