My accomplishment of 2009

So the year is coming to a close. A lot has happened this year. I am sure there are more accomplishments I could list...and I may interrupt my babble with a few of them here and there as they pop into my head.
My main accomplishment this year was learning to trust in myself.
The year started out with the one year anniversary of Brandon's death. I took it in stride. I felt like I had so many other people to worry about, I had to make sure everyone else was okay. I had to make sure the kids remembered the good times, and even remembered what he looked like. I wanted to make sure my parents would make it through and come out on the other side of that momentous date with some kind of knowledge in their hearts that there were still three of us (plus many many more) here that would help them get through this. During the week of the one year mark, I learned that I can be strong. I learned to trust in my instinct of how people are feeling and when to stand quietly by and listen to the cries or to give words of comfort and support.
Soon after this I went through a very hard and emotional, personal time. I do not talk about it outside of myself and Wesley. It was a very heartbreaking and saddening thing to go through and even though nobody knows what I am actually talking about I have to say it gives me much more respect for mothers and for women in general. This time frame made me trust in my instincts much more. To trust my instincts about myself, my body and even my instincts as a mother.
Then May came around and Brandon's birthday was upon us. Yet another difficult time to go through and to feel the hard feelings of grief once again. This time around I learned to trust my emotions and to trust my motherly instincts.
In August my Dad had a heart attack. It really put a lot into perspective. To think that he could have possibly not been with us any longer was very frightening. Thankfully he is doing okay now. I learned to trust my heart (oddly enough). To trust how I feel.
Then the end of the summer rolls around. This is where my trust was severely rattled and things kind of fell apart. Wesley moved out of the house and lots of trust issues were broken and things just seemed to be going completely wrong. I even remembering saying that to myself one day: "this is just wrong". Things unfolded and I learned so much about my life.
Amazingly through all of this I have learned to trust how I feel, trust that I can do anything I put my mind to. I can be a strong, stable, honest person and that I can believe in myself as both a woman and a mother. I know that I can be a great person, I believe in myself and I trust in myself enough now to make that happen.
My next post will be about what I hope to accomplish in the next year. Lots of possibilities!

Vacation

Well School vacation is half done and things have been fairly busy! I have not gotten many pics because we have been so into things that I forget to get the camera out. The kids have really enjoyed all of their Christmas gifts and for the most part they have enjoyed being together. Aiden got a new Little Tykes basketball hoop that adjusts from 4-6 feet in height and it is currently set up in the kitchen. It is really a great place for it because it keeps him busy and he would not be able to play with it outside right now. He is really good at the highest height too! He likes to see what kind of trick shots he can do.
Calleigh has enjoyed playing with her Barbies and littlest Pet shop toys she got for Christmas. She also got a lot of makeup and dress up stuff that she has taken the liberty to make Riley her manequin (I will DEFINITELY be getting pics of that soon!).
Riley has really enjoyed his trucks and cars that he got. He also really loves his drum set. He has rarely left the stool to do much other than eat and sleep!
They all got an easel from Aunt Jan and Uncle Dave that I will be setting up in the kitchen once I can get all the cardboard and stuff out of there. They (Calleigh and Riley) will be at school tomorrow so hopefully it will be set up by the time they get home!
I am enjoying my new Keurig machine! I have some white hot chocolate, french vanilla coffee, caramel coffee, and breakfast blend coffee on it's way. I am really looking forward to it getting here to enjoy the yummy flavors.
The house is a huge mess, and the dishes are not getting done "on time" and the laundry pile is getting pretty high, but we are just enjoying each others company. The kids are doing well and they have seen Wesley off and on over the past week and they have gotten to play some new games and watch some new movies with Daddy. They really enjoy their time with Daddy. I think chutes and ladders is the favorite game for all of them.

Christmas 2009

This year was a bittersweet and much different Christmas for us. This was our second year without Brandon here with us and with all the stuff happening with our family. Wes did come over Christmas Eve after we got back from My Aunt's house for our traditional Family Christmas. He helped get the kids to bed and helped put out all of the gifts. He stayed overnight so he could be here to see the kids open gifts and see their reactions to everything. He was very surpirised that the kids got him a Mandolin and some DVD's to watch. We then went over to Tina's house where Marvin (he had spent the night over there to be with Mallory and to be there when we got there with the kids), Tina, and Mallory were to open gifts with them. We had a very nice sit down breakfast and had a good time. After sitting for a bit we left to go to Brenda's house to be with the Carpenter family. Aunt Jan, Uncle David, Uncle Paul, Corey and GG were all there from Florida. Everyone else was there as well and the young kids all had a great time running around and being crazy together. They sure kept all the adults on their toes.
After Brenda's house the kids and I left to come back to my house to meet my family for Christmas. It was very hard leaving Wesley at Brenda's house and coming back here without him. It was the first time in eight years he was not here for my family Christmas. That's kind of when it all hit me. I was leaving him there and coming here to a Christmas without Brandon. I had a much harder time this year without having Brandon here than I did last year, the first year. I had a bit of a moment to let it all out on the way home and then I was okay. We got back here and tidied up the living room and kitchen from earlier that morning and waited for Mom, Dad, Erin, Adam, Nathan, Liz and Dawn to get here. We had a pretty good time with all of them. We had hot cocoa and some yummy cookies too!

Here is a link to see all the pictures from our festvities CHristmas Eve and Christmas Day:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=182565&id=773622781&l=c61ab33eb1

We were very fortunate to be able to spend time with the family we have, this is a year I will not forget for so many reasons. I am so truly fortunate to have each and every one of you in my lives. Thank you for being here to support the kids and I through the many changes that have happened over the past two years. Much love to all family and friends.

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree

Frosty and Rudolph

The other night instead of going and doing our usual Friday night routine of dinner and then the store to get essentials and stuff we decided to stay home with some hot chocolate, popcorn and watch Frosty and Rudolph. It was a nice relaxing night and we even threw some M&M's in the popcorn for fun!

Unexpected

Although in the last two years I have come to expect the unexpected, somehow I am still never prepared when things seem to go awry.
I had a really great day on Friday. I got a lot accomplished, had a nice dinner with My Mom, the kids and my aunt and we went shopping. It was our normal Friday night routine. I was expecting to have a really great weekend. Saturday Wesley was going to be here with the kids after work and I was going to get a break away from the house. Then today we were going to get out Christmas tree with my Mom and decorate it.
Well nothing went as planned. Wesley was almost 3 hours late getting here because he was killing a cow with some friends and I guess it had to be done yesterday. SO I did not get to leave until almost 5 to get out of the house. At that point I was irritated but determined not to let it get in the way of a good night. I picked up Tina and went with her to pick up Calleigh's Christmas present and do a little more shopping. I did end up finishing my Christmas shopping for the kids and Tina got some shopping done for them as well. Today the kids wanted to watch a movie that Wes had bought them, but out of 4 DVD players, none would work for some reason. Did I mention my horrible luck with electronics? SO I decided we would make some paper snowflakes and have Hot Chocolate. That didn't happen either.
I got a call from my sister saying that my Mom had been taken by ambulance from the Price Chopper in Essex. So I immediatly made some phone calls and found Brenda to bring the kids to her so I could make my way to the hospital. My mom was having these problems with her entire body where she would get all tingly from head to toe and get basically unresponsive and glazed over. At first they thought she may have had a blood clot around her heart somewhere, but it turns out there is something wrong with her pancreas and they ended up sending her home. She has to do some follow up this week but hopefully things will get somewhat better soon.
Then I got back here with the kids just around dinnertime and man were they cranky! No nap and lots of running around with Jake and Cooper at Brenda's house. So we had a quick dinner and they went to bed early.
No, the weekend has not gone as expected, but the week will bring new opportunities and I'm sure new challanges as well, but we will get through them all and all with a smile on our face.

My new purse

I am so excited, Lindsey just dropped off my new purse and it is adorable! I am so excited I decided to splurge on myself and buy it when I went to Lindsey's Madison Purse Party. It is a home party where you can go and design your own personal and unique bag. I LOVE it! And I am also realizing I must have a thing for circles because my purse resmebles my rug a little bit LOL!

Meet the world Sally.

We were given the Elf on the shelf as a gift last year and the kids loved reading the book about Santa's elf that magically appears every morning in a different spot after leaving when they go to sleep and reporting to the big guy how they behaved during the day. Last year they decided to name her Sally. Sally was a part of our family for 27 days and she reported every night to Santa and every morning she was in some pretty crazy spots. Last year we even found her watching from inside the vacuum cleaner :)
This year has been a pretty crazy year and we got a late start. Last night we brought out the book and read Sally's story to remind us how it works and to remind us not to touch her or the magic will be gone and she won't be able to make anymore trips to see Santa. When the kids woke up this morning, the first thing they did was run around and look for Sally. Well they found her hiding in a perfect spot to get all the info of the day soaked in!

Getting through it.

Sometimes Life can be quite the roller coaster. It goes up and down, forward, backward and even throws you for a loop every now and then. I never expected myself to be where I am right now. I have come to the conclusion that I can only do so much for others to keep them on the right track. They are going to make their choices and they are the ones that are going to have to deal with those consequences, whether they like them or not. That's the thing about hard times and bad choices.....the consequences aren't all fun and games. On the other hand, if you are patient, positive and level headed then you will be the one to come out on top and be able to hold your head up high knowing that you have done all that you could do to make the right decision for yourself and for your kids. I will get through this and I will be happy for myself and my kids. They deserve the best parts of all that I can give them, and I'm not talking money or material things. I'm talking about the hug after a long day at school, the book that they really want to read even when I have a million things that I 'need' to get done, the pride in their eyes as they help me make dinner or a special dessert, and the understanding that they need to be kids while they can be kids and get every giggle in while they can. A giggle is the greatest sound.

reflection of Christmas past.

I sat here tonight and thought back to Christmas two years ago. Things just seemed to be so much simpler and so "right" back then. Brandon was still with us, we had Riley's baptism and Brandon was named Riley's Godfather. My family was still intact, still complete. Things have changed so much in the last two years. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year and I am going to keep that in mind this year as I mourn so many losses in so many ways. I still have my three wonderful and amazing children here to celebrate with me and I will embrace that as long as I have it.

just being silly!

This is where I found Riley when I came back into the kitchen to get the rest of the laundry out of the dryer. He thought he was pretty funny.

Halloween.

Okay, so I know I am way behind on these pictures. I am now just getting around to putting them up. The kids had so much fun on Halloween! They were all pirates and even Mommy dressed up as a pirate with them! It started out raining that night but it did not last long and cleared up to a pretty nice night. We went down a few more streets than we normally do now that the kids are getting older and then we went back to check out the Fire trucks by the bank and then we went to enjoy our last Creemee of the season at the Cafe. It was a great night and the kids had a lot of fun!

Changes

It has been a busy time around here at the Carpenter home. I have decided that I am going to talk on a more personal level to begin my time back into blogging.
My family is going through a lot of changes. My husband and I have decided to seperate and eventually divorce. Trust is a key issue in any marriage and once trust has been broken it is very hard to go back to living in a loving, caring and safe environment. So, it is now time to start a new chapter/phase in my life. My main goal is to make sure that my kids are happy, well taken care of, safe and they feel loved.
Wesley moved out of the house in August and we have been working on trying to focus our energy on the kids. Has it been easy? hardly. There are some great days, some not so great days and some down right horrible ones. Being a single mom of three kids is not where I pictured myself at 28. I was suddenly torn from what I thought was my life and thrown into what must be somebody else's life. This couldn't possibly be happening to me? And then I would wake up and realize it is happening to me and I am living through it right now. So I pick myself up and I move forward. I am trying to re-connect with friends and get myself back out there to a 'normal' life.
I know I am going to get some flack for making this such a 'public' thing right now. There will be people who will disagree with my decision to write such personal things in my blog but I feel like this is a safe place for me to write freely, to connect with so many different people on so many different levels. I am also hoping there are people that will be happy about my decisions and be there to support me with a laugh, a hug, a shoulder or just a kind word every now and then.
So my posts will be erratic, cover many different subjects and quite possibly not make sense sometimes; but I hope that you will continue to follow along.

I am (hopefully) back!

Well, my computer is up and running now and I have lots of stuff to share over the next few day/weeks. Things have been very crazy here in the house. I have debated for a while now if I should/would write more personal information about things that have been happening and I have decided that I will write more about it on this blog. I intended this blog to be about me and my life. I want that to include things with and without my kids. I will get to more of that in the coming posts. Right now I just want to say I am here, I do plan on writing still, but time is short and kids come first!
Some topics that may come up in the next posts:
Crafty times
changing families
kids stats
school
just being silly
the good, the bad, and the ugly
the future

It's been a while!

It has been quite a while since I have written anything, but it has been pretty crazy here. Well chaotic I guess.
Aiden has been loving school and he is doing soccer right now. He LOVES playing soccer. I hope to get pictures up once I get my computer back up and running. I am borrowing my mom's computer while I wait for yet another power cord! This time it wasn't my fault...I swear. It just stopped working and makes this beeping sound when you plug it in. I have the worst luck with power cords. Luckily it was still under warranty.
I have lots of pictures from different things that I want to get put up but can't until I get my computer back!
Right now sickness has hit the Carpenter house in full force. Calleigh started with this nasty cold with a cough and runny nose and was complaining about her ears. She had an ear infection. Then Aiden came home from school and was complaining about a headache and he was stuffy and had a bad cough. The school was concerned about it being this H1N1 Flu, and even the doctor's office said they were sure that was what he had....I wasn't convinced. The doctor said they don't even bother testing for it anymore. The next day he was really complaining about his throat and his head again and was coughing a lot. So I decided to bring him to the doctor on Saturday and they discovered it was not the H1N1 but it was strep throat. Poor guy had a really nasty throat. The doctor looked in his throat and just said..."does he take chewable or liquid medicine". They still did the strep test (which Aiden was less than thrilled about) and it came up positive. So he has been trying to rest and get better.
Riley has had the same cough and cold for a while and until Saturday night did not have a fever and his cough kept getting worse and worse. So today I brought him in thinking he probably had strep as well. To my surprise he did not have strep but had an ear infection! Another one. I was so frustrated because I thought the purpose of having the second round of tubes and having his adenoids out was to avoid more ear infections. This does not bode well for the fact that they said taking his tonsils out was the next step. Ugh, I hope to avoid that.
I am doing okay, just dealing with Life and all that it throws at me. Trying to keep busy and be creative with my time. I have picked sewing back up and I am attempting to make a bag and a hat. I am also crocheting Calleigh's blanket but I can only do little bits at a time because it hurts my hands too much. I am learning how to crochet hats. I am excited to make some for the kids this winter. I have also been cleaning a lot. Re-organizing and re-arranging things. Lots of stuff to take care of and I am so sick of the clutter!
I hope to post pics soon of the kids and all the projects I have been working on!

Bunnies!

The new baby bunnies are here! I found them for free and we have wanted rabbits again and these were just too cute to pass up to add to our little mini farm we've got going here! The tan was is named Rocket boy, the grey one is named twinkle, and the black one (the cutest little runt you will ever see!) is named superstar. The kids picked the names all by themselves.

More fair pics!

We ended up going back to the fair on Labor Day to see the animals again (and to hopefully get some more yummy fudge!) The kids had a lot of fun and the last day is the day to go, everyone was trying to get rid of things so we got good deals! There was a booth that had a lot of kids things~ hats, glow sticks, toys, etc. Everything was only a dollar because he wanted to get rid of all of it. The kids made out pretty good. Here are some pics from that day!

We had the greatest mini doughnuts at the fair! Calleigh at most of them!

Calleigh has already claimed this will be her first car!

Fair fun!

Yesterday we decided to go celebrate the first day of school with a trip to the fair (not to mention save a few bucks because admission is $4 cheaper if you go after 6pm M-Th). We usually spend all of our time with the animals and barely even go over to the ride and game side. Thankfully the kids are more interested in the animals than the other stuff! We did go over and play Fat Albert, the rat running quarter game. It's tradition and the kids each won their own prizes. Calleigh got a really cute bear wearing a pink Boston Red Sox shirt and hat! Aiden got a cheetah and Riley got a cow (no surprise there!). Then we did one of the squirt gun water games and Aiden won a tiger (and no we were not the only people playing!). And of course, no fair experience is complete without throwing the ping pong balls to try and get a fish. And of course we didn't think anyone would actually get a fish and Calleigh gets the ball into a bowl with a fish in it on the first throw......the thing went *plunk* right in! It was a great family experience and a great way to celebrate the first day of school!

This is the way the night ended, with them holding hands and truly enjoying each other's company. It made me tear up to see them holding hands un-prompted. Love it.

First day of First Grade!

Today was the first day of first grade for Aiden. He was very very excited!!! We all brought him to school this morning. Daddy, Mommy, Calleigh and Riley and Aiden got to school and walked the walk down the hall to meet his new teacher Mrs. Robinson. I was floored when I realized that she graduated high school the year AFTER I did. I thought for sure I had a couple of years before that happened. I was already feeling old for having a big first grader and that just hit it home for me! lol! I didn't shed a tear until I got into the car and went to remind Aiden to buckle up so we could go and I realized I was talking to no one! I felt a bit silly as a tear rolled down my cheek...........
All was not lost though and I was so relieved when Aiden got home and I went out to meet him getting off the bus and he ran, not just walked quickly or happily skipped across the driveway....but ran into my arms and gave me a HUGE hug and stated "It was awesome Mom, I had SO much fun!". Just knowing he was excited and happy and made it home in one piece made me very happy and the day went by so much faster than I thought it would!

Reminiscing....

Tomorrow my baby starts the first grade. How the hell did THAT happen?? Where oh where did the last six and a half years go? One minute I was holding him and staring into his beautiful blue eyes and snuggling without a care in the world. The next minute he is walking and toddling around, and then I blinked and he started Kindergarten. I blinked one more time and he seems to be in a whole new world. The days of sitting in bed and cuddling, the days of running to the door to give me a huge hug and kiss are gone. Now we have entered the days of things like arguing about putting the laundry away to making me kiss him when the bus rounds the corner instead of as the bus stops and he gets on.

It has also opened up so many new doors. He can read.....actually read books. Not just memorize the Brown bear, Brown bear that I read over a hundred times but he can actually sound out the words and read all by himself. He can write so many stories and has an imagination that leads you into worlds that you forgot about while growing into an adult. I am amazed at the wonderful being that Aiden has become. We have our moments. We butt heads and we argue and we even get angry with each other to the point where we can't be in the same room. However, at the end of the night it all melts away when I sneak into his room and I watch him sleeping......just for a moment. Just long enough to remember those days when he would make me sit on the floor just to sit in my lap and put his head on my shoulder and smile while twirling my hair.

"I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be."

Love you Forever

by Robert Munsch

YAY!!!!!

Riley went to the potty (UN-PROMPTED!!) two times today. I am so excited that he has the interest to go and that he made it into the potty!!

He is going into a big boy bed on Thursday because he keeps climbing in and out of his crib and I just hope we can make it to Thursday without injury and then we will be good!

Riley's cake and ice cream

Last night we had cake and ice cream for the birthday boy! He was very excited to have everyone sing Happy Birthday to him and he got the Cozy Coupe car he LOVES! Although I have to say that they should really offer in store assembly on that thing. It was in a lot of pieces and I only had one hand so it was very difficult to get together. The holes weren't even pre-drilled so you had to screw them into the plastic. It finally got put together though and it is very cute. We were looking for a used one but decided to go for the new 30th anniversary edition and it is definitely updated and has the same kind of character as Riley! He also got a backpack and a new potty seat! He has been showing some interest in going potty so we decided to give it a go and try it out to see if he would do it. He loved the potty! He sat on it and he did really try to go to the bathroom. He also sat on it before bed and tried as well as first thing this morning. I went into his room to get him this morning and he had taken his diaper off and was saying "pee. boppy (which means potty)". He has yet to actually pee in the potty but hopefully this interest continues!

I could not find a cake I liked (and I didn't order one ahead of time, bad Mommy!). So I bought this yummy chocolate cake that had that hard chocolate covering drizzled around it and then I bought the blue and green gel and (very sloppy) wrote Happy Birthday Riley and made polka dots. It was cute and he loved the cake as you can see.

This is how we roll.

What other way is there to enjoy your cake and ice cream?

Happy Birthday Little Man!

Two years ago today my baby was born. Riley came into this world early in the morning after a very long night. I was induced around 6 the night before and had an epidural when I was 4cm along. They broke my water not too long after that and once they broke my water Riley's heart rate dipped way way down. I was very nervous because Wes had left the room to go get a coffee (it was very late!). His heart rate did not come back up so they had me on my knees and switching from side to side to try and move Riley around. They finally put fluid "back in" and his heart rate went back up. He was crushing the umbilical cord as he was coming out so it was making his heart go all wonky. They had me all prepped for an emergency c-section and everything. Wes came back in the room and didn't know what was going on! Everything finally calmed down and labor progressed, quickly. I went from 6-10cm in about an hour and in three pushes Riley was born. We did not find out what we were having so I was anxious to see if it was a boy or a girl (I truly thought I was having a girl!). I pushed Riley out and everyone was laughing and nobody was telling me if it was a boy or girl!! It took several minutes and me asking and finally they put Riley on my stomach and told me it was a boy......I was very surprised and very happy that he was healthy!

The last two years have been amazing to have Riley in our lives. He is a very intelligent and loves to laugh and play jokes on everyone. He thinks he is a very funny. He loves to play baseball and can throw it really far and actually hit the ball when you throw it at him. He loves to sit and read books and is very lovable. He will be riding in the car and say "Mommy" I will respond "Yes Riley" and he simply says "Love you". He is so amazing and I can't wait to see where he grows to from here.

We had his 2 year checkup this morning and he weighs 24.5 pounds and is 34 inches long. He only gained about 3/4 of a pound in 6 months! He is very active and eats all day long, but he just burns off all of it. He did finally get a little taller and is now in the 25th% for his age. He is still barely on the growth chart for weight!

Happy Birthday Riley, We Love you!

"Life begins each morning....

each morning is the open door to a new world-

new vistas, new aims, new tryings."

-Leigh Hodges