dreading the weekend

Most of the time I look forward to the weekend. However, this Saturday is different. It is the one year anniversary of my younger brother's death.
Brandon was one of the most caring, lovable, strongest people I know. When he was five months old he was diagnosed with a Whilm's tumor in his kidney. He had his kidney removed and went through chemotherapy. He was still one of the happiest babies you could ever meet. He was always laughing and smiling. He went into remission and lived a life most would be jealous of. He was adventerous and athletic, even though his sports of choice were not allowed with someone that only had one kidney. So he stuck to baseball and was great at it! As he grew older he was always there for anyone, he would do anything you asked him to, without complaining. He was one of those rare teenagers! He loved hunting and fishing and just being outdoors. he once told me he felt connected to the outdoors. It just felt right to him. He was absolutely wonderful with my children. He would play with them and let them crawl all over him. When we asked him to be Riley's Godfather, you should have seen the pride in his eyes. He knew what that meant to us and what he meant to us.
I am just so sorry that Riley will never get to know him. Brandon died in a car accident just under three weeks after Riley's Baptism on January 17th, 2008. He was 17. It was his fault, he was going to fast and fooling around. It still does not make me understand why it had to happen to such a wonderful person. Aiden and Calleigh knew Brandon very well. They saw him almost everyday and they had a special kind of relationship with their uncle. They still talk about him every day. It is good in a way, because we can keep his memory alive through the kids and how they remember him. I want to encourage them to talk about him and tell stories or even just miss him and be upset. It just hits me harder every time they start though. I sometimes feel like I am grieving for four people. We also feel connected to him through Bridge Street. The cafe my father in law owns. Brandon worked there. I can still see his eyes behind the pizza counter where he would stand and throw fries at the kids and have that silly half grin on his face. I can almost still feel him when we are there, I guess that is why we still go so often.
Everyone there misses him, he was like a part of their family as well. We are all getting together there for lunch on Saturday then we will walk over to the cemetary. Marvin (my father in law) is doing such an amazing thing on Saturday at the cafe. He is donating 10% of his intake from that day to Camp Ta Kum Ta. Camp was such an important part of Brandon's life. He went there for, wow, 10 years I believe. He wasn't going to be able to go back as a camper last summer, but was planning on being a counselor there. He loved it and everything it was about. We held a benefit concert last June at the Monitor Barn in Richmond in Brandon's honor. It was free, but all donations went to camp. Absolutely everything was doanted in some way. The food, the drinks, the music, the door prizes....it was amazing. They ended up raising about $3200 for Camp. We want to do the same thing this year, but maybe on what would have been Brandon's 19th birthday. I think he would be so proud of everyone that is involved with it. He would have been the leader of the pack.
Brandon was a true inspiration to everyone he met. A little piece of our soul went with him when he left us. We miss him so much.
Sorry for the long and probably depressing blog, but this is the reason I am not looking forward to next weekend. I know it is going to be tough but it will be nice to be around family and friends and sharing stories and hopefully laughter of all the good times.
Love you B.
Brandon Kilburn
May 4, 1990-January 17, 2008